


If I Be Worthy (How Can This Be?)

by flipflop_diva



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Awesome Natasha Romanov, Black Panther Shuri (Marvel), Canon Divergence - Avengers: Age of Ultron (Movie), Canon Divergence - Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Gen, POV Natasha Romanov, Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Thor's Hammer - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-09
Updated: 2018-09-09
Packaged: 2019-07-05 23:48:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,486
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15874212
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flipflop_diva/pseuds/flipflop_diva
Summary: It happened on accident. She just reached up and there it was, nestled in the palm of her hand. But there had to be another explanation, right? Because Natasha knew the truth — she could never be worthy of lifting Thor's hammer.





	If I Be Worthy (How Can This Be?)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Netgirl_y2k](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Netgirl_y2k/gifts).



> Written for the 2018 AU Exchange. 
> 
> Two of the prompts Netgirl_y2k asked for were 'another character can lift Thor's hammer' and 'Shuri as black panther' so I tried to incorporate a little bit of both. I hope you enjoy!

She hadn’t told anyone.

It had happened during a routine mission not long after they had all moved into Avengers Tower together. They had been on the quest for still operating Hydra cells, going in and taking them out and shutting them down, all while keeping an eye out for technology or other possessions that might be better to confiscate.

They were in a deserted stretch of land in Serbia, far into the desert where the only man-made thing that could be seen by the visible eye was what looked like a little shack on the verge of falling over. But underneath that shack, miles below the ground, was a Hydra compound full of weapons and materials that should not be allowed to invade the general public.

Tony, Steve and Clint had gone inside. Bruce was manning the Quinjet. She and Thor were patrolling the outside of the compound, Thor in the front and Natasha in the back.

Tony had just come over the comms to tell them the compound seemed eerily deserted when it happened. A loud noise from Thor’s side of the building and yells of what sounded like a mob of people.

She had gone running, Widow’s bites out, only to find Thor fighting off a small army of Hydra agents. They had him surrounded but she wasn’t worried — it was Thor, after all. He could take them.

But as she watched, one of the agents pulled out what looked like a little remote from his pocket. She narrowed her eyes, trying to see what was happening. The agent looked around, then lifted the remote, pointing it directly at Thor.

Before she had time to yell or otherwise give Thor any sort of warning, an ear-splitting noise broke across the air and what looked like lightning bolts struck down from the sky. Thor yelled. Natasha dove for cover, dirt and sand raining down on top of her. 

By the time she was able to lift her head again, still choking on the debris, she saw Thor and the agents all down on the ground. But there was a shadow above her. She looked up, only to see something falling fast right toward where she was laying.

She didn’t think. She just rolled over, closed her eyes and raised her arms above her head.

Soft, light wood landed firmly in the palm of one hand. Like it had been aiming just for her. 

She opened her eyes. And stared. 

It couldn’t be. It wasn’t possible.

It was not possible.

Thor’s hammer, in her hand, barely more weight that her own Widow’s bites.

She didn’t know how long she laid there, staring at the hammer nestled in her hand, but she didn’t realize Thor had gotten up and made his way to her until he had carefully extracted the hammer from her grasp.

She stared up at him as he reached down and pulled her shakily to her feet.

“I’ve always thought you were worthy, Lady Natasha,” Thor said to her quietly, but Natasha was shaking her head before he could even finish his sentence.

“Don’t tell anyone,” she whispered, and she knew she sounded desperate. Horrified. “Please!”

Thor looked her over carefully, but she could tell he knew she was serious. 

“As you wish,” he said, and she felt a little surge of relief.

“Thank you,” she said. “We’ll just pretend it never happened.”

It was hard to pretend, though. She couldn’t stop thinking about it. She knew the stories — _understood_ the stories — that only those who were the most worthy could hold the hammer of Thor. But it was impossible. _She_ wasn’t worthy. That she knew without question. She was the most unworthy of all the Avengers. Her past was full of so much red. So many things she had done once upon a time and hadn’t cared about. So many people she had killed. So many lives she had ruined. She was the furthest thing from good and worthy that there was.

Something the Hydra agent did must have affected the hammer, if only for a few moments. That was why she could catch it. It was the only explanation. 

(Weeks later, when she watched Steve and Tony and Rhodey and the others try to lift the hammer without success and Thor grinned at them and told them they simply weren’t worthy, she knew she was right. It was the only thing that made sense.)

•••

Nothing felt real. It was like a horrible nightmare she couldn’t wake up from. So many of her friends were just gone. Vanished like they had never existed.

She couldn’t sleep. She had been sick more times in the past couple hours than she had in her entire life. But she couldn’t cry either.

Shock was probably what the doctors would say, but most of the ones who had been in Wakanda seemed to have disappeared too, and the ones who were around had more important things to attend to than her.

She sat next to Shuri, on the floor in what was the throne room. Just the two of them. Outside the window, there were still some signs of life in the rest of Wakanda, but she felt so alone and she knew Shuri did too.

“I’m the black panther now.” Shuri finally broke the silence. They had been sitting side by side, unmoving, for hours.

Natasha turned her head to look at the young girl. Her voice sounded steady but she looked anything but. How could she though? Her brother, her mother, half her friends … all gone in the snap of someone’s fingers because none of them had been able to stop him, no matter how hard they had drive.

They had saved the world so many times, but now, when it mattered most, they had failed.

Natasha wondered again how this had happened. How were they — she, Shuri, Okoye, Rhodey, Bruce — still here and the others were gone? Steve, Thor, Sam, Vision, Wanda …

People who were good. People who were worthy. People who had only wanted to do the right thing.

It wasn’t fair.

“I can lift Thor’s hammer.” The words slipped out before Natasha could even think them through.

Shuri turned her head, stared at her. “What?”

“At least I think so,” Natasha clarified quickly. “I don’t know. It happened once. A long time ago. It might have been a fluke. It flew into the air and I caught it. It was only for a few seconds …”

She was trying to explain, but Shuri was already on her feet, no longer listening, tugging Natasha to hers as well, grabbing her hand and pulling her out of the room.

“Where are we going?” Natasha asked her, almost running to keep up, but she knew the answer before Shuri said it.

The hammer, now mostly destroyed, was just where it had been left — in the middle of the field where just the day before hundreds of them had been fighting. Lying where Thor had left it when he vanished into non-existence.

Shuri leaned down over it first, put her hand on it and tugged. And tugged again. As hard as she could. 

Nothing happened. It remained rooted to the ground. She turned her head to look at Natasha.

“Your turn.”

Natasha felt her stomach twist. No matter how hard she had tried — and she had tried really hard — she never had been able to successfully get that memory of that day out of her head, lying on the ground with the hammer in her hand, but she had managed to convince herself over the years that it wasn’t as it had seemed. She had never planned to confess it to anyone ever. 

Now, as she reached down and wrapped her fingers around the smooth edge, she still wasn’t sure if she wanted it to have been real or if she wanted to prove that she had never been worthy after all — even if it being real might be the one hope they had left. 

She lifted. The hammer came up as easily in her hand as if she were picking up a stick.

She felt her breath catch in her throat. She didn’t know what to think. Beside her, Shuri made a noise of joy, and for the first time since the awful happened, there was a new spark in Shuri’s eye.

Together, they looked at the hammer, nestled in Natasha’s hand, and then both their eyes widened. Something was happening.

The hammer was glowing … changing … fixing itself.

A few moments later, it stopped, lying in Natasha’s hand, almost as good as new. She stared at Shuri who stared back at her.

“Can you use it to try and call for help?” Shuri asked. “Other Asgardians?”

“I … don’t know,” Natasha whispered.

“Let’s try,” Shuri said, and her eyes sparkled again. “Because if you can, I have an idea how we can fix all of this.”


End file.
